The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
