U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize