And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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