btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
