Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
