addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize