Im at strip club and am horny
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
