There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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