in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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