HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize