my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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