haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
