you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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