I murdered the dance floor call the cops
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
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he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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