my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
