I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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