saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
