sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
