i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I think im going to throw up on grandma
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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