bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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