he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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