Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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