Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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