woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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