I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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