Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
