My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
