I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
