Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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