I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
