After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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