WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
