He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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