I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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