If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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