remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We are all done wearing pants today
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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