dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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