So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
