girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
True strength comes from lack of pants
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
