I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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