After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
