sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Please don't give away my fajitas
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