u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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