That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
