addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
