now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
