a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
