Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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