he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
me + whiskey = a bad person
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize