3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
