yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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