Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Randomize
