I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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