im having a threesome with these popsicles
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
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