So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
