you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
