you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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