My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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