no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
