Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
